"Yeah." He exhales, almost a sigh. "It's one of those things they go over and over in classes prepping you for ship assignments, and I suppose it's... you know it'll be rough, but you think 'I can handle it'." Jim shakes his head, rueful, and laughs quietly. "And then the reality is so much worse in practice."
Jim has found himself in a bizarre position in the last few years-- he had a reputation in the Academy. Strike that, he had A Reputation, full formal title and everything, and despite the fact that landing in command meant he was now the CO of a crew containing at least dozen people he'd slept with at some point, he carried on with his reckless sexual behavior. Oh, he maintained protocol even if he toed the line here or there, shore leaves and friendly natives, diplomatic crews and space station visits.
And then he died. And he just. Stopped.
At first it was the lack of sexual outlet that frustrated him, but that didn't take long to get over, and when he did he felt suffocated under the heavy, dreadful weight of realizing he'd spent his entire life replacing emotional connections and human contact with one night stands. Combined with the identity crisis over his father and Chris, he's actually sort of perversely proud of himself for only having nearly gone off the rails and almost quitting.
"I just.. hit a wall with it. Achieved a weird kind of equilibrium. I don't know if it'll last, but I've learned how to accept it, at least for now."
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2016-09-22 01:54 am (UTC)Jim has found himself in a bizarre position in the last few years-- he had a reputation in the Academy. Strike that, he had A Reputation, full formal title and everything, and despite the fact that landing in command meant he was now the CO of a crew containing at least dozen people he'd slept with at some point, he carried on with his reckless sexual behavior. Oh, he maintained protocol even if he toed the line here or there, shore leaves and friendly natives, diplomatic crews and space station visits.
And then he died. And he just. Stopped.
At first it was the lack of sexual outlet that frustrated him, but that didn't take long to get over, and when he did he felt suffocated under the heavy, dreadful weight of realizing he'd spent his entire life replacing emotional connections and human contact with one night stands. Combined with the identity crisis over his father and Chris, he's actually sort of perversely proud of himself for only having nearly gone off the rails and almost quitting.
"I just.. hit a wall with it. Achieved a weird kind of equilibrium. I don't know if it'll last, but I've learned how to accept it, at least for now."